Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
