yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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