i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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