my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
