My Higher Power is John Stamos
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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