You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
