yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
