she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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