the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
