He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
