i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
