i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
