I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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