i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
