So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
