omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You need Xanax blowdarts
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
