If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
