So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize