He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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