When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
