whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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