I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is wine microwaveable?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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