i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize