so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
