So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize