i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
