so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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