Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize