i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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