If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
