just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have grass duct taped all over my body
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
