a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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