My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
