do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
