I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
