I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
