it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
