I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
