Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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