You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
