This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
