Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
