you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
