Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
