Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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