My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
