3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
