I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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