Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
