So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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