i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
