This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
