I cockslap morals
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
