Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
