If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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