His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
