You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
