I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found your dick twin last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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