Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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