How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
