We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
