Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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