Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
