I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
