girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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