Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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