i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
