We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize