i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
