i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
